I was sick again yesterday. Probably worse than I have been, but i think it's mostly because I'm dehydrated (or so my self-proclaimed MD skills have decided). I drank 9 bottles of water while we were walking around toledo on thursday, and drank a lot (so i thought) yesterday, but i realized last night after feeling like i was going to pass out all day, that i hadn't peed in two days. not at all. scary stuff. so needless to say, i drank jarros de agua after jarros de agua for dinner...and peed...a lot. joyfully cheering inside of myself each time as i walked to the bathroom.
today, i feel much better. though i still can't breathe.
I just came outside to the terrace to find a bird sitting on my laptop, just hanging out. he flew away when i came to sit down, but he's still lingering around some, here and there. i think he likes me. or my muffin that i'm eating..which would make much more sense..but i am going to let myself believe that he likes me. you know, my personal little spanish pet bird. i hope he sings me spanish love ballads.
On friday we went to a place called Toledo. It's in the south of spain, and it's absolutely beautiful. Super historical. Really intriguing. We visited some cathedrals, a monastery, and a synagogue. I'm learning so much. I am going to know everything about the history of spain by the time that this trip is over. i'm okay with that. i like spain.
i took yesterday to rest. i went and hung out in a coffee shop with my friend Chris, and wrote postcards. there's nothing like a starbucks in the middle of madrid. the sounds of ray lamontagne and boisterous spaniards laughing, while sitting in a sunwarmed cozy chair=so ideal. i am sure that many of you reading this will reap the fruits of yesterday, too. i wrote some killer postcards...just saying.
on a more personal note, yesterday was a pretty monumental day for me, on a really ridiculous level. judge me if you want, but i'm overcoming fear here.
all of us from our program were hanging out late on wednesday night because we didn't have classes the next day because it was a holiday (ptlptlptl). and as we all probably know, brooke (me) isn't the best going-outer because i don't really drink a lot. but since we're in spain, and since our motto right now is "cuando in espana" i went anyways, and decided in my heart that i was going to have fun. that i was going to love myself. and that i was going to enjoy being young and strikingly beautiful (ha! c:) while being sober. woooo!
i was successful. i had a really good time. i like being young. and i like being strikingly beautiful. and i like being sober. and that night, (get ready for it kim forren and jessica langevin!!!!) i met a boy.
(don't worry, mom.)
his name is enrique, kike (keekay) is his nickname. it's pretty much the standard spanish nickname for anyone named enrique in spain. he's really nice, about a foot or so taller than me, he speaks perfect english, spanish, and italian. and he's smart. like really smart. he's 25 and works as a psychologist, so i am sure that he was shrinking me for the entire hour that we talked. within the first five minutes of us talking, he found out that i came to madrid to study spanish, so from that point on, he refused to speak to me in english. so at this point, i was not only terrified because i was talking to a boy, but i was also terrified because i was talking to a boy...who is much smarter than me...in spanish.
but like the Lord told me on the plane over to madrid, I'm overcoming fear in a new language. literally now.
disclaimer break: i absolutely can't believe that i just wrote about a boy that i met on my blog. who am i? this is weird. for the record,
1. i am not in love. nor am i in like
2. he is not a creeper (praise God).
3. i generally try to use good judgement
4. i still fully believe with all of my heart that boys are trouble, so don't worry.
5. he was not drunk either (praise God again.)
6. this is really good for me. (I LOVE YOU MOM!)
so yeah, anyway, he and i just talked for an hour or so, in spanish, because according to him, if i'm here to learn spanish, i'm not allowed to speak english. hahaha, i think it's a really great philosophy. and then when my friends were ready to leave, i told him it was good to talk to him and started to walk away. but then, he stopped me, and asked if i wanted his number. i almost peed my pants (except, i haven't been peeing a lot here recently, luckily this time).
i've never ever taken a number from a boy.
i've never ever given my number to a boy.
especially in a foreign country.
but you know what they say...cuando en espana.....
so i said SURE, fully intending to never call him, only taking it to be polite. so he gave me his weird, 9 digit european phone number. and told me about 3 different times to call him.
whatever. brooke davis does not call boys.
but then yesterday, after my day of rest with starbucks, ray lamontagne, and postcards, i decided i wanted to call him. where this desire came from, i have no idea. but you know, i figured something.
it's time to stop being so afraid of other people.
so whether or not i called him because i wanted to see him or because i knew it was good for me to get over this fear, i'm not sure. either way. i had to do it.
cuando en espana, right?
so after about an hour of freaking out, stressing myself into having a near asthma attack, and convincing my roommate to call and pretend like she was me on the phone, i finally calmed down and called him. ha! this is a big deal people!!!!! he was great. super nice. super gentleman of the year award to kike. so i invited him to come hang out with some of my friends and i.
he said yes. HE SAID YES.
guys, you have no idea. it took an act of congress for me to press send on my phone.
so he did. he came and hung out. he was great. speaking spanish was great. all of that was great, don't get me wrong. but i must say, i was absolutely terrified the entire night. i am terrible at talking to boys. terrible. even if they like me. NO. especially if they like me.
however though kike is great, i can also say, that it may have been one of the most awkward nights of my life. long story short i learned quickly that 25 year old business professionals have much different interests than a large group of 20-21 year old students in spain from the united states. meaning that my friends and his friends weren't the easiest two groups to mix.
did i mention that it was awful?
i quickly became very apologetic.
so he and his friend left early, and brooke, having her nerves shot, left and went home shortly after.
ayekarumba.
this morning, sitting on my porch with the Lord, kind of reflecting on things, i realized something and decided some things.
i refuse to apologize for myself.
i refuse to apologize for the things that i love.
i refuse to compromise what i know and what i've learned from the Lord through living for anyone--spanish OR american.
i know who i am. i trust who i'm becoming.
yes i am young. yes i still have so much to learn, but i've already learned so much. part of humility is wisdom. and part of wisdom is humility. you can't have one without the other.
but now i can honestly say this. i am proud of myself for calling that boy. i'm proud of myself for choosing confidence and grace. yes, the night was awkward, but it wasn't my fault. i'm not going to apologize for that.
and to bring it all back in, i'll say this. the Lord is moving me forward. always moving me forward. always moving me forward. glory to glory. victory to victory. because that's what i was made for. to be victorious. to be fearless. to be humble. but to be wise. to love myself. and i do. i really really do.
so whether or not kike ever calls me ever again, whatever.
plus, we gotta learn to laugh at ourselves. we take ourselves tooooo seriously tooooo much.
seriously, whatever.
i'm just proud of myself. i refuse to be afraid.
He gives us a voice and something to proclaim every day.
plus, my husband is going to be super dreamy and super anointed and super chosen for me by the Lord. i aint scurred of no love!
that's all. thanks for reading this long rant. thanks for valuing it with me.
it took a lot for me to blog about a boy.
love you all. :)
brooke.
PS. SONG OF THE DAY:
Yay Baby Brookie for being so brave!! Don't ever apologize for being yourself. You're incredible!
ReplyDeleteAnd that is a wonderful song to go with that blog :D